"Bershert"

"To Thine Own Self Be True"

"Stumps"

"The Glass Is Half Full"

"Rodney Dangerfield, I Respect You"

"Use Your Brains, Not Your Hands"

"My Way"

 An autobiography by Stan Tomberg

Web Site: Tomberg.net/stan

Dedication

I dedicate this story to my wife, partner in life, lover (on occasion), and my best friend - Ellie.

Preface

The sole purpose of this story is to give my children an idea of what their father is, what makes him tick, where he came from and how he arrived to where he is now on the "Ship of Life." Perhaps, this will help them in their lives and give them a better understanding of themselves. I am no literary giant, and make no claim whatsoever that I am a writer. I simply have a story that I feel needs to be told so that the ones I love will have a better understanding of their heritage. Why seven titles? They are all meaningful in my life and I couldn't make a decision. The importance of each title will become apparent as my tale unravels. I used the title "STUMPS" because I really wanted to call the story "Roots," but it was already used. Parts of this story forced me to recall some very painful and yes some very happy moments in my life. There may be some that will be unhappy with parts of my tale and for that I apologize in advance, but I have to tell it like it is and tell it MY WAY.

Chapter I

 "Stumps"

Russia -1906

In a small Russian (present day Poland) ghetto in Lodz a young baker named Moische Freilich toiled from evening to early morning baking bread. His young wife had just become pregnant with their first child and they wanted more than the ghetto squalor for their family. Anti - Semitism was rampant and Jews had no rights as citizens. They were not allowed to own land, and were subject to pogroms, where the military and civilians would raid the ghettos (areas of cities) and shelties (little towns) where Jews were force to live and kill and take whatever they wanted. The Freilichs, like many Jews in Russia heard the tales of the better life in the United States from the émigrés' letters. Moische and Mariem had many talks concerning the move. Mariem made the decision to leave [like many Jewish families of that time this was a matriarch and poor Moische had little to say after diminutive (four feet ten inches) Mariem made up her mind. I think that some of this has carried over to the present, chuckle, chuckle]. The plans were made for the move. Little Mariem delivered twins on December 27 1907. Unfortunately one died during childbirth and Gittel, my mother survived (fortunately for us).

They continued on with the plans to relocate and my Grandfather left Russia and arrived at Ellis Island on June 20, 1907 to find a place to live and get a job. Mariem and Gittel followed and arrived at Ellis Island on September 8, 1908. My grandparents spoke only Polish and Yiddish. .

The Prinzess Alice, The ship my grandfather, Moische arrived on

Rotterdam (flagship of Holland America line), the ship my grandmother, Mariem and mother, Gitttel arrived on.  Ellie and I sailed on the newer Rotterdam, which was launched 50 years later.

My maternal great grandfather, Hzik Altman arrived here on 9/25/1910 at age 46 also from Lodz.  

It was a difficult life for the new immigrants and Morris (my grandparents anglicized there names after settling, and my mother became Gertrude) worked at night as a baker. Frugal Mary saved and always had her "pushki (piggy bank)." Although Morris worked long hours, he always found time for the Yiddish theater, classical music and other things, and soon Mary was pregnant again. Anna was born about a year after they arrived in the United States. Ned, Ben, Hy, Paul and Rose followed her. When Rose came they had saved enough to buy a 3-family home at 306 E 165th St. in the Bronx. The poor hard-working baker now became a landlord.

Taken in Grandma and Grandpa Freilich's Living Room 1927

1. My great grandfather - Isaac 2. My great grandmother - Judith 3. Grandpa Morris Freilich

4. Grandma Mary Freilich 5. My mother - Gertrude 6. Uncle Ned 7. Aunt Anna 8.Uncle Paul

9. Uncle Ben 10. Uncle Hy 11. Aunt Rose

When my mother started school at age five, she, like many immigrant children, could speak no English. She learned English rapidly with the help of the teacher's wooden ruler across her knuckles. I feel very strongly that this nation's strength lies in its multi ethnical background and that all immigrants must learn to speak English!!! I really get ticked when I go into a store, hotel or restaurant in my country, and no one speaks English. My grandfather's love for music prompted him to have my mother take violin and piano lessons. My children's musical ability obviously has come from them; it appears to have skipped a generation.

Grandma and Grandpa Freilich's 50^th anniversary

Chapter II

Early 1900's

Austria

The Tomberg's in many ways the complete opposite of the Freilichs, but they too, were ruled by my Grandmother, Deborah. Schlomo Tomberg, my grandfather died when Saul, my father was young. They were all tall and most were business people. Because of their stature, men in previous generations served as Palace guards for the Hapsburgs during the height of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. The Tombergs have a genetic trait (the second and third toe of both feet are joined almost to the second joint). I have discovered a relative in Aachen, Germany (Ha-Jo Tomberg) through our unusual toes. Ha Jo is not Jewish, a Tomberg converted somewhere along the way.

The Tombergs too longed to be in the "Land of Milk and Honey" where the streets were paved with gold. As in Poland, anti-Semitism was rampant and religious freedom was really the reason so many Jews emigrated to the United States in the early 1900's.

The story related to me was that my father, Saul Tomberg arrived here in 1919 at age 19 (by jumping ship (I think this is a little fishy, but, that is all I know)). In order for him to gain citizenship he enlisted in the Marine Corps in 1924. He served in Nicaragua during the revolt there in 1925. He also served in China. He was discharged in 1929. Saul met Celia Ornstein. They got married and my sister Phyllis was born on June 21, 1931. Celia died when Phyllis was about six months old. Needing a mother for his daughter he married my mother in September 1932. Although my mother worshiped my father, I don't believe he ever really loved her.

Standing left to right: Saul Tomberg, Milton Tomberg, Ruth Tomberg Rudnick, Max Tomberg, Mollie Myerson Tomberg, Dave Horowitz, Sam Tomberg, Izzy Tomberg

Sitting left to right: Gertrude Freilich Tomberg, Jenny Tomberg, Rose Tomberg, Deborah (Bubba) Tomberg, Sally Tomberg Horowitz, Gertrude Tomberg, Sylvia Tomberg Tannenbaum

Chapter III

TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

On December 22, 1933, Saul and Gertrude Tomberg were truly blessed with the birth of their first son, me. I was named after my father's father, Schlomo. My grandfather Morris Freilich made a bottle of wine on the day of my birth and put it away for my Bar Mitzvah. Thirteen years later the bottle was opened. I spilled some wine on the tallith ( prayer shawl) given to me by Grandma and Grandpa Freilich during my Bar Mitzvah. My son, Jeff (named for Grandpa Freilich) was Bar Mitzvahed (1981) and my granddaughter Lauren was Bat Mitzvahed (2003) wearing the same wine stained Tallith.

The following is from my Baby Book.

The jury is still out as to whether the above is a blessing or a curse. In retrospect I believe that I have always been true to myself. I have always spoken my mind and I find it impossible to hide my emotions. I am a lousy poker player, because you can see my hand by looking at my face.

.

Phyllis and me - 1934

Me 1935

Chapter IV

1937

New York, What a Wonderful Town?

My earliest recollections are of our summers at the bungalow colony on the beach at Coney Island. In July of every year we would move to the bungalow on Carlton Court for the summer. I can still smell the fresh coat of green paint. I remember the Duggans Bakery truck that made its daily stop with fresh cakes and breads. I remember the weekend visits of my father and how I looked forward to spending time with him, the breakfasts out and the swimming (or drowning) lessons. I guess I was about three when he threw me into the surf and walked away. My father was an effective teacher.

There were the weekend visits of moochers (and their friends) from both sides of the family. I remember when Dad took Phyllis and me to the Surf Theater on Surf Avenue at Coney Island to see Snow White. I remember the Sunday dinners at the Chinese restaurants.

1937 Carlton Court Bungalow - Coney Island Left to right: Me, my father, Sandy. Melvyn, my mother, Phyllis

Phyllis related the following to me: "I was born at the Bronx Maternity Hospital and they were having a pageant for the best looking boys and girls born in 1933. My mother of course entered me and on Sunday I was dressed in my finest clothes and Mom, Dad and Phyllis took me the hospital (I thought they were going to return me). Dad took a look around at the contestants and said Gertie, lets go."

Dad owned the New Coat Company in Hoboken, New Jersey. He would work long hours (he was also away from home for long periods of time with his extramarital affairs). He also was a confirmed alcoholic and would consume a fifth of rat gut rye whisky (Four Roses) a day. I remember vicious fights between him and my mother and the abuse both physical and mental she endured. I must add that I don't think my father was totally wrong, I never heard his side of the story, but there was no excuse for the abuse (mom did have a violent temper which was not witnessed by many, when she got mad dishes would go flying). I also remember the outings with my father to museums etc. With all his faults, I adored the man.

Life in New York was hard for a scrawny little Jewish kid. I was raised in a tough neighborhood. To keep off the streets, I spent many hours at the library reading. In fact, I read the Encyclopedia Britannica, all 26 volumes cover to cover. I also spent a lot of time with my best friend, Marvin, playing Monopoly. I hungered for knowledge. I was a terribly insecure kid. I was very unathletic; a good part of it was due to my astigmatism and a lack of coordination. In stickball, I would see two balls coming.

There were the weekly poker games at our home on Saturday nights. I remember finding Uncles Hy and Paul (let them rest in peace) sleeping it off on the floor in the living room on Sunday morning.

Phyllis and I were playing pirates once and were dueling with Mom's knitting needles. I won and lost - I skewered Phyllis's hand and got a spanking from Mom (that was no reward for a winner).

Me, Sandy and Phyllis - 1938

Chapter V

Mr. Freilich's Neighborhood

1940

During the early 1940's we must have had some very difficult financial times and we moved from our apartment on College Avenue into an apartment around the corner on the second floor of my Grandparents' building (they lived on the third floor). Every morning there was always a bag of hot rolls on the radiator outside our apartment door, left by my grandfather on his way home from work. He was the type of person everyone loved. He was mellow, loved music, a real comic - a wonderful person. I recall the old Victrola in the front room (living room) and the great number of red-labeled RCA records (Classical). Every Wednesday afternoon Grandpa would go to the theater. The arts were a very important part of his life.

Grandma and Grandpa had a running schtick. Every morning, Grandma would give Grandpa a glass (they were yahrseit glasses always used for coffee or tea for routine meals) of coffee, always about 3/4 full. Grandpa would always say in Yiddish "how much does it cost for a full cup?"

Grandma Freilich would come out of their bedroom in the morning dressed liked she was going out for dinner. Grandpa would help her lace up her corset before he went to sleep. I never ever remember seeing my grandmother when she wasn't dressed, with every hair in place and her makeup on. I think she lived in the kitchen. On Fridays, the big noodle board would come out and placed on the huge dining room table and she would make the noodles for the Shabbat feast that night. Nothing was bought - the homemade gefilte fish and freshly ground horseradish to the main course. The whole family would gather. She was a fantastic cook.

I never recall a voice being raised in my grandparent’s home. Grandma was strict, firm, but loving. She too had a sense of humor, and would constantly tell her little stories (in Yiddish because many of them were off color and completely out of character for her, and she didn't want her grandchildren to hear, I understood more Yiddish than she realized). One saying I recall is - translated - "it's a sin to stick it in, but a shame to pull it out." I always remember their home as warm, secure and full of love and always enjoyed being there.

Grandma hated one of the neighbors and would call her "vukker." I grew up thinking that vukker was a terrible Yiddish curse word. In 1990 Phyllis informed me that the word was Walker, the woman's last name.

I remember the Sunday family dinners at the Chinese restaurants. I remember the charlotte russe (sponge cake with real whipped cream) that we got at the bakery. I remember the huge wheels of halvah that must have weighed 50 pounds at the corner deli. I remember taking the aluminum can to the bar across the street to get grandpa his quart of beer for a nickel (the same price as a loaf of Silver Cup white bread). In 1940, when I was seven everything cost five cents. I used to go to the candy store to get Uncle Hy and Uncle Paul cigarettes for a penny a piece. I remember Doc Fletcher, the corner druggist who would patch me up after I got into a fight. I remember Irving Siegel who had the fruit and vegetable store directly across the street. I remember Jack Starr, the butcher, kosher, of course. I remember the excursions with Mom to Bathgate Ave. and its bargains sold from pushcarts. I remember the Paradise Theater with stars projected on its ceiling. I remember the deli with its giant pickle barrel from which came the greatest pickles in the world. New York in the 30's and 40's was a magical place. It was like many small towns in Europe are like today.

The Freilichs had seven children. Gertrude, my mother, was more like her father, docile, loving, but with a violent temper when she really got riled up. She played the piano and violin well. She was an excellent cook and baker and adored my father. When times were bad, we kids would get whatever to eat, but my father would always have his steak. He always came first in her life. Mom died on my 58th birthday - December 22, 1991

Uncle Ben was the businessman and as long as I can remember did well financially. He was married to Aunt Mildred. Around 1982 he was convicted of embezzlement and served a year or two in one of those country club prisons where he golfed every day. The amount was about $3,000,000. According to Uncle Hy, Ben was the ladies man, and a super baseball player almost making the then N.Y., Giants, but was too short.

Aunt Anna married an Italian, Frank Chiappa, and was disowned for a while. Uncle Frank was an executive for the railroad and a truly fine gentleman. They had four children. Aunt Anna was very acrobatic and double jointed (I remember her cart wheeling around when she was in her 30's) and was a super person. She too was much like my grandfather. She died at a relatively young age of cancer.

Uncle Ned was married to Aunt Lillian. He was a snappy dresser and was like my grandmother in personality, but looked like my grandfather. He worked as a ladies shoe salesman at Saks Fifth Avenue in New York, and had some famous people as his clients, Audrey Hepburn for one. He died of a cerebral hemorrhage in 1959 the week before our wedding. We considered postponing our wedding, but my mother insisted that good times take precedent over bad. Aunt Lillian and her son Larry live in Broward County.

Uncle Hy was a confirmed bachelor and promised that he would put me through college (I guess he meant College Avenue which was around the block). He married late in life to Aunt Bunny and they had two daughters. They divorced in 1983. I never remember Uncle Hy working that much, he was always collecting money from one unemployment fund or another. He passed away suddenly on March 23, 1993. Aunt Bunny died about a year later.

Uncle Paul was a clone of Grandpa. A very sweet gentle person. He too spent a lot of time with me as I was growing up. When I returned from the service I was devastated to learn that he had died of leukemia while I was in Germany. No one bothered to tell me. He and Aunt Edna had two sons. I haven't heard from them since the early 50's.

Aunt Rose, the baby of the family baby-sat for me when I was young. She married Uncle Jules, who could never hold down a job. Aunt Rose was the stability of her family. She had the same job for 30 years. Uncle Jules was fun to be around except all males had to protect their crotches. He took pleasure in slapping us in the balls. Uncle Jules died in 1996.

Chapter VI

The Tombergs

I don't remember much about the Tomberg side of the family. I recall visits to Grandma Deborah's house in Brooklyn where she held court (she was very regal and would sit like a queen with her family around her). The following is what I recall of my father's brothers and sisters (not in any order):

Uncle Sam - the big business man, like my father was in the Ladies' coat business.

Uncle Izzy - the little businessman, owned an electrical supply business in Wilkes Barre, PA. He later moved to West Palm Beach and opened a liquor store. One of his sons, Sidney was married to Midge, who was Ellie's cousin's husband's sister. You go figure that one out!

Uncle Max - a real sweetheart of a man - the Black sheep of the family, probably because he was a taxi driver, not a businessman, and was loyal to his spouse. His daughter Lila and her husband Jerry are the only Tomberg's that we have been close with.

Uncle Milton - I remember very little of him except that he too was in the Ladies' coat business.

Aunt Sylvia - A fine, warm, cultured, caring person and extremely intelligent. My sister Phyllis has many of her characteristics.

Aunt Ruth - an extremely warm person.

Aunt Sally - very much like Aunt Ruth.

My sister Sandy was born on Sep. 22, 1936, Melvin was born on 1/26/38, and David 11/28/41.

Us - 1943

Phyllis, me, my father Sandy, David and Melvyn

Chapter VII

The Farm 1945

My father had union problems with the workers at his business in Hoboken. I recollect that there was a contract put out on him and some thugs worked him over. That and the fact that he couldn't stay away from red heads, prompted him to buy a farm, to save his life and family. He purchased a 57-acre farm about 3 miles outside of Hightstown, NJ for $7,000.

The farm consisted of a 2-story house, a barn and an outhouse. The downstairs had a large kitchen, a dining room, a living room, a formal living room and a "summer kitchen" (an unheated room that could only be used in the summer time). The upstairs consisted of four bedrooms and a bathroom. The house had to be more than a 100 years old and had undergone several renovations. Originally there were four fireplaces that were filled in when someone installed the coal burning central heating system.

Also the bathroom must have originally been a bedroom before indoor plumbing was installed because it was about 12 feet by 12 feet. Dad did additional renovations such as adding a toilet and sink off of the summer kitchen which was not heated. I remember in the wintertime my tush would freeze to the toilet seat.

We needed milk for the five kids, so Dad bought a goat. When he tried to milk the goat, the goat would sigh with pleasure. It seems that the green horn had bought a male goat. It became a pet and renamed Billy. He then purchased Daisy Mae, a Brown Swiss cow. She was a real sweetheart and besides being a great pet she also provided the family with rich milk for many years. Dad tried to teach me how to milk the cow, but I never learned (I didn't want to because to do so would require getting up very early). Phyllis learned.

We needed a truck, so Dad bought a 1926 Dodge truck, the only thing available during the war, it didn't run that much so he also purchased a 1939 Plymouth. I remember him going to town for chicken feed and coming home with bags resting on the front fenders. During these years the family became extremely close. At age ten I formed a partnership with Dad. He provided the financing and I provided the labor (much of it by enslaving my brothers and sisters). We farmed about 10 acres initially by hand. The following year we invested in a Bolens walking tractor and we started to farm more and more. We ended up with 34 acres under cultivation. I specialized in crops requiring a lot of labor because of the available slave labor. We were the gherkin, okra, and plum tomato king.

 Chapter VII

1945

In the fall of 1945 I entered the 5th grade at Hightstown Elementary School wearing knickers and knee socks. No one ever saw a Jew before, especially one wearing knickers. As an alternative I wore slacks that Phyllis had outgrown. I took a lot of kidding over the fact that my pants had no fly. The school was about three years behind the New York School System and I was nicknamed "the Walking Encyclopedia." It was also then that I became good friends with Harry and Sid Barth. The friendship with Sid has endured to this day.

The farming enterprise did well and I also got paid $.50 a case (30 dozen) for candling eggs (working in a dark room you would hold the egg up to a light so that you could detect blood spots and bad eggs). I was able to candle six cases an hour.

From the time we moved to the farm I was self-supporting as for my clothing and spending money and was able to save a lot.

Shortly after moving to the farm the Ornsteins (Phyllis did know that they were her maternal grandparents) told her about her birth mother. This was about the time she was going through puberty and it devastated her and left her confused. It took her years to adjust. I must admit that my mother was of no help. She had no conception of how to help Phyllis and they engaged in many heated arguments, making it worse for Phyllis.

I was still a skinny little kid, but smart. When I had to feed the chickens, I wouldn't use a bucket, I would hoist a 100-pound bag of feed on my right shoulder and save a lot of time. At the time I weighed about 75 pounds and today my right shoulder is about 2 inches lower than my left as a result of years of doing this, I also got a hernia when I was 15.  When I was 14 I visualized myself in my own paid for car when I was 15. This motivated me to work harder.  It seems like I was always self-motivated and the ability to visualize the end results of my labors.  I was able to get my drivers license when I was 15 and I had enough money saved to buy a year old Willy's station wagon for cash.  At 15 I had to be on farm business to drive.  I developed a chicken and egg route on Saturday morning adding to my increasing wealth. I always carried a dozen eggs in my glove compartment in case the police chief stopped me.  It got to be a standing joke, He would stop me whenever he saw me and would say “Ok, show me the eggs).   I traded the jeep in for a new top of the line one, again with cash.

On occasion Grandma Freilich's parents would come and spend some time on the farm. Bubba and Zeda Altman were in their 90's and were Hasidic Jews. Zeda would wear the long black coat and broad rimmed black hat. He had a long white beard. He had a tendency to wander off, so we had to keep an eye on him.

Dad and Mom started selling dressed chickens and our produce at the Trenton Farmers Market. I remember them coming home late at night schleping the iced tubs of chickens from the truck to the walk in refrigerator in "The Killing Room."

Chapter VIII

The Killing Room

1948

All of us kids remember the happy memories (I am kidding, of course) associated with the Killing Room. This is where we dressed the poultry. Sal, Melvin, Dad and I where the primary workers (David was nicknamed the "Shirker" because he would disappear whenever there was work to be done). I did the killing on occasion and I wore a plastic bag on my head to keep the blood off my hair. One day, Sal asked me if I was going to a masquerade, I asked why? He said, "because you're dressed like a prick." We would process up to 80 chickens an hour - they would come in live and leave completely dressed, ready for the market. One day, Sal became upset with Melvin, and dunked him head first in a barrel of ice water.

The conditions were less than sanitary and I often wonder how many people we made sick. The chickens that were not sold would be brought back to the killing room and soaked in brine to kill the smell. They were then returned to the Trenton to be sold. In 1953 Dad figured out that the really bad chickens and the ones that had bad bruises could be cooked and no one would know the difference. He bought a gas-fired rotisserie and Tomberg's Bar B Que Chicken was an instant success.

 Chapter IX

High School

1948

In my younger days, I was extremely interested in science. I guess I was kind of Nerdy. The only extra curricular activities I participated in were girls, orchestra, girls, band, girls, brass quartet, girls, basketball combo, girls, concert band, girls. You could say I was girl crazy.

I did well academically and as a musician I was a great technician. I loved music, but was frustrated because of my lack of talent. I was great at sight-reading, but, take away the music and I was dead in the water. I played well enough (fooled enough people) to be invited to try out for the New Jersey All State Band.

During one of the high school proms, Grandma and Grandpa were visiting us and Grandpa insisting on buying the corsage for my date. Grandma's reaction was "for a schiksa (gentile girl) you are buying flowers."

The school was quite small, and there was only a handful of Jews in the whole school (only one other Jews in my class Elaine Katz and Gary Frank). I really was not that friendly with either one. Harry and Sid Bath were one year behind me. There weren’t many pretty Jewish girls in Hightstown so I did a lot of importing from Trenton.

I always stayed within my age group unlike someone else we know and love. Talk about small, there was only 42 in my graduating class. I graduated 3rd (I would have been 1st had it not been for straight C's in gym) in the class and received awards for having the highest 4 year average in science and math. With my obvious talent I decided I should become a civil engineer. I applied and was accepted to the Rutgers College of Engineering.

 Chapter X

Summer

1952

Prior to going off to college (25 miles form home) I got a job pumping gas on the New Jersey Turnpike. I worked the swing shift (every week I would work a different eight hour shift). There were many times I would get off at 7:00 in the morning and spend the day at the beach and carousing and return to work at 11:00 that night. I once went three days without sleeping. There was one Italian gentleman who would stop every few days and leave me his car to fill up and I would park it for him while he would go to the restaurant. He would always tip me a dollar (in 1952 it was equivalent to $10 today). One day he had some friends with him and as he left me his car he tapped me on the head and said to his friends, "this is a fine Italian boy," for that kind of tip, I would be Chinese (Sal, not like there is anything wrong being Italian, in fact, I wish I was then maybe I could sing).

 Chapter XI

Fall 1952

Nails

This little scrawny 18-year-old kid arrived at Rutgers with his paid for car and money saved after years of work. I arrived introverted and insecure. I immediately tried out for the wrestling team (I never wrestled before) and made the team. I also made the band, Freshman Crew (as coxswain) and the fencing team. I dropped out of fencing because I didn't like it. I was kicked off the crew after running an 8-man skull into the dock and wrecking the skull. I excelled in wrestling and worked out rigorously, running 4 miles every day, followed by one hour of calisthenics and one hour of wrestling. I was the smallest guy on the team weighing in at 118. Since I was wrestling in the 123-pound weight class, the coach put me on a diet to gain weight. No matter how many milk shakes I consumed, I couldn't gain an ounce. My work out a partner weighed 165 and just before our first match, I tore a chest muscle and a brilliant career was shattered.

During Rush Week I was invited to pledge Sigma Alpha Mu (Sammies) one of the Jewish fraternities on campus. During the pledge period the brothers went through the dorms kidnapping the plebes. Jay Kravitz, the 200-pound president along with three others came to get me in the middle of the night. It took the four of them to subdue me. They blindfolded us and dropped us off in the middle of a cornfield about 20 miles away. They said I was tough as "Nails" and from that point on that was my nickname at the House.

I once fixed my sister Sandy up with a brother for a Frat party. The fraternity nicknamed her "Tacks" (little "Nails"). I don't think I ever told her the significance of her nickname.

I fondly remember the trips with the marching band to Dartmouth in the winter and trying to play during the half time in a snowstorm, the mouthpiece would freeze to my lips. As you may have noticed, I haven't mentioned academics. I was having such a ball I didn't have time for that kind of distraction and as a result I was asked not to return for my sophomore year.

The year at Rutgers metamorphosed me. I became the "Lovable Big Mouth Know It All" I am today. I left Rutgers ready to tackle the world. Dad always told me "to be successful in life you must {USE YOUR HEAD, NOT YOUR HANDS}".There is only so much you can do with your hands, but, use your head and the possibilities are limitless." His kids have added another aspect that was missing "HEART." Business is not just business, you must have feeling for your fellow man, you must have ethics and you must have integrity. Then and only then can you consider yourself successful. My father had none of these!

 Chapter XII

1953

Kirby

Needing work, I answered an intriguing ad. I went to work for Jim Marion and the Trenton Kirby Company. I became a super salesman, using the high-pressure techniques I was taught by Jim. I set all kind of sales records. I was the first ever to sell three machines a day for three consecutive days. I made about $120 per sale and I was rolling in the money. I went out and bought a new 1954 aqua Nash Rambler convertible for cash. Nash eventually merged with Willy's (the maker of Jeeps) and became American Motors. American was then taken over by Chrysler.

When the car was two weeks old, my dear brother, Melvin, hit the car broadside with the farm truck. I think he stopped running about three years ago.

During that time Phyllis and Sal and family would come over on Sundays for cookouts, etc. It seems every time they came there was one more child. This was probably the happiest of times for the Tombergs.

I have constantly searched for a better way to fail. The job with Kirby lost its challenge and I became fed up with high-pressure sales. In May of 1954, I started looking for another job. During the Korean War there were not many openings for a 20 year old guy classified 1 A. I volunteered for the draft (I asked for my name to be placed at the beginning of the list).

 Chapter XIII

The Army

1955

In July I was drafted and sent to Fort Dix for eight weeks of basic training (basic torture). We were trained to be lean mean fighting machines and they did a job of brain washing. During the eight weeks I gained 16 pounds, but still maintained my 24-inch waist. I tried out for the Army Band and made it. I found out that they marched all day and declined the appointment.

I tried out for OCS (Officer's Candidate School) to get out of a day of marching. During basic, the Red Cross obtained a one-day pass for me so that I could attend Sandy's and Marvin's wedding. I was tickled that Sandy found someone like Marvin. She is much like my mother; I did not want her to suffer the physical and mental abuse from some one like my father. Fortunately, I think we kids saw what was wrong with both our parents and we made every attempt not to make the same mistakes. We definitely did not totally emulate them; I think we took the best of each. I am proud of how we turned out.

We were on bivouac (camping out) one week. We were deprived of our basic needs along with a very restricted diet. At the time I was dating a girl who would write me almost daily. Her letters were written on onionskin paper, I really appreciated the letters (the rest of the guys were using leaves).

One day our lunch consisted of a small portion of canned fruit cocktail. This was in August and by the time I found a shade tree; yellow jackets were all over my lunch. They were eaten along with the fruit cocktail.

Several weeks later we were cleaning our rifles in preparation for an inspection. After I cleaned mine I put it my locker instead of the gun rack and went to the PX (post exchange) and saw a movie. When I returned 2 ½ hours later, all hell was breaking out in the barracks - a rifle was missing. I almost got court martialed

 Chapter XIV

Fort Benning

1955

During basic training the tests I took showed that I had mechanical ability, so I was shipped off to Fort Benning, Georgia for eight weeks of Wheeled Vehicle Mechanic training. A friend of mine from Fort Dix was also assigned to Ft. Benning. He was a black schoolteacher from New York City. After we landed at the airport in Columbus, Georgia, we attempted to get a cab to take the two of us to the base. They refused to take both of us in the same taxi. They had separate rest rooms and drinking fountains for black and whites. This was my first real taste of racial discrimination and I revolted against it. When we would take the bus into town, I would sit in the back of the bus with him.

99% of the guys stationed at Benning were red-necked hillbillies. It was not a pleasant eight weeks. Once when we were boarding a base bus to take us from the barracks to class, the guy behind me shoved me as I was getting on the bus. My reflexes kicked in, and I wheeled with my fist cocked and let him have squarely on the nose. That night at about 11, he and four of his friends showed up at my bunk and invited me to step outside. I was scared shitless, but didn't let them know. I told them, "I would take them on one at a time and that I knew that I would have the crap knocked out of me, but, they would know that they were in a helluva a fight." I was serious. They walked away and I never heard another word.

I finished at the top of my class and as a result was given first choice of assignments. They wanted me to stay on at Benning as an instructor, and, of course, I graciously refused the request. Next on the list was Bikini Atoll, an uninhabited island in the middle of the Pacific where the atomic bomb was tested. I declined that and chose #3 which was Germany. When I received my orders, I was assigned to the 5th Loudspeaker and Leaflet Company. After reading my orders I was totally confused.

Chapter XV

Germany

1955

In November, I arrived in Germany. It seems I was badly needed at the 5th Loudspeaker and Leaflet Company, so they flew me over. It was a 19-hour trip. We left Mac Guire Air Force Base, in New Jersey with refueling stops in Newfoundland and Scotland. I still didn't know what a Loudspeaker and Leaflet Company was. We landed in Weisbaden and after deplaning I went to use the rest room. As I am urinating a woman nonchalantly comes by to drop a couple of mothballs in the urinal I was using. I came to realize that Europeans are very much at ease with sexuality. I finally arrived at Panzer Kazern in Boeblingen, Germany (Southwest Germany). The base was a converted German Tank Base, but it looked more like a college campus. I returned there 33 years later in 1988 with Ellie and nothing had changed. The 5th Loudspeaker and Leaflet Company was a Psychological Warfare company run like a Battalion. I was assigned to the Headquarters Platoon, along with the company Clerk, Supply Sergeant, Company Cooks and Mail Clerk. We pulled no extra duty such as guard duty, KP etc.

During the time I was in Germany the rate of exchange was great. As a private, I earned as much as a German Doctor. Coming from Fort Benning, home base of the 82nd Airborne Division (paratroopers), with its spit and polish I was a standout and they waived my time in grade and promoted me to Private First Class. (being a fast learner), I immediately became the biggest Goldbrick (goof-off) in a company of Goldbrickers. Seventeen months later when I was discharged I still only had one stripe.

The seventeen months in Germany were one long vacation. I had at least two three-day passes a month and was able to pop over to Amsterdam or Paris for the weekend. In addition I ended up with bout 10 weeks of leave while I was there and I traveled extensively throughout Germany, Holland Belgium, Italy, England, Austria, Luxembourg, Ireland and France.

Brussels - 1956

Shortly after I arrived in Germany the Motor Pool, where I hung out, flunked an Inspector General (IG) inspection. The company commander was distraught and promised me a 10-day administrative leave if we got a superior in the reinspection. The officer who did the reinspection was a drinking buddy of our motor sergeant so we got the superior and I got the Administrative Leave (no such thing, I was issued leave papers by the company commander at the same time listed as present for duty). Picture this, I had the leave papers, stamped as I was crossing borders all over Europe, (the leave papers served as my passport) at the same time being listed as present for duty on the reports sent to battalion headquarters, both signed by the company commander). Upon my return the company commander wanted my leave papers back. I refused to return them. From then on I did pretty much as I wanted, foregoing any chance of promotion.

I was the only enlisted man who could sign out a jeep to go off post (road tests). Once I took off for a day and all of a sudden the road signs were in French. I had crossed the Rhine River without realizing it.

When I was in Germany about six months, I received orders to return to Fort Benning to attend Infantry OCS (Officer's Candidate School). The Korean War was still on and the life expectancy of an Infantry 2nd Lieutenant was about six seconds. I could not see myself jumping out of a foxhole with bayonet fixed to lead a charge. I graciously declined the invitation (with the help of the company commander who was afraid of what I would do with those leave papers).

I spent the seventeen months traveling, drinking, eating like a king, etc. When I returned home after 23 months in the service of my country I had gained 40 pounds.

 Chapter XVII

1956

The Mad Scientist

I was discharged in June, I am a civilian, with no money and no job. I purchased a 1954 Pontiac coupe from the Pontiac dealer, who I knew and I paid it off in 90 days. It was a beauty. I was discharged on Wednesday and had three jobs by Friday, two part time and one full time. I got a job working swing shift in a pharmaceutical plant for American Cyanamid, (Lederle). I had to dump acids and bases in these tremendous vats of bacterial growths, from which antibiotics grew to keep the ph balanced. Once I left the Phosphoric acid running in a tank while I went to have a smoke. Too much acid, the bacteria died. I quickly added sodium hydroxide and balanced the ph. To this day they never figured out why they lost that batch. I also worked at my parents stand at the Trenton Farmers Market on Saturdays. I also worked on my days off (when I worked evenings and nights at Cyanamid) as an auto mechanic.

One Sunday morning at 8:00 a.m. my brothers and sisters were hooting it up downstairs, I arrived home about three hours earlier from a date. I asked them very politely to attempt to keep the noise down, my father, yelled back "If you don't like it - move." I got up packed my few belongings in my car and moved to Princeton. My mother was crying, "your father didn't mean it" (I am not sure that she was going to miss me or the weekly checks for my room and board).

I found this small 2-room apartment and decorated it in white, black and red. In August I decided to return to college under the GI Bill. I gave Lederle notice and they transferred me to the Control Lab as a chemist, all day work, and they paid for my tuition, books and fees (I also was being reimbursed under the GI Bill). I went to Trenton Junior College at Night carrying 16 Credit hours and making out well financially. Being now matured (bull, I still have not grown up) I put my nose to the books and got all A's.

I special ordered a new 1956 White VW convertible with a black top and red leather interior. It took six months to get it from Wolfsburg, Germany as it was not a standard color. When it arrived I had saved the money to pay for it in cash $2400 (I learned very early on that there are two types of people - those that pay interest and those that earn interest). It arrived in the dead of winter and Sid and Harry Barth and I drove to New York with the top down and the heater going full blast (it was about 15 degrees). I named the car Adolph. After about two years at Lederle, I heard of an opening in the lab for a degreed chemist at a higher salary level than I was at, I spoke to the powers to be, asking for the position and suggested they hire someone to replace me. I was told that I was not qualified because I did not have my degree yet. I could understand that. They hired an experienced graduate chemist, I was introduced to him and told that I would be spending the next six weeks training him. This I could not understand, I wasn't qualified for the job, but, I could train someone else to do it! I was furious and immediately started seeking employment elsewhere.

I was offered a salaried position at the Textile Research Institute in Princeton. It was a non-profit organization supported by the textile Industry and connected to Princeton University. It meant a raise in pay and great benefits. I was working on projects for W.R. Grace and Charles Pfizer among other Chemical giants. Many a day I would come to work in shorts and told to go home to change into a suit, because I was scheduled to have a luncheon meeting with some big wheel from one of our clients at The Princeton Inn.

On March 21, 1958, we had a tremendous Ice Storm. Power lines where down for two weeks and my current girlfriend, Audrey, was talking marriage. I was terribly depressed, not able to cope. I was seeing a girl and at a family dinner her grandmother hugged me and said “you are going to be my grandson”. I said to my self I am outta here.

I made an appointment to see Dr. Fishman (our family doctor since 1948). He had a long talk with me and simply said "you have no ties, you can go any where and do anything you want". I declined the great offer and I left in August 1958. (in 1995 a local State farm Agent died and his accounts were transferred to agents covering the address. Guess who I got, Dr. Fishman, 37 years after he prompted me to move to Florida I became his insurance agent). 

I came to the realization that I was not destined to spend my life working with test tubes. I gave Textile research notice. They offered me a raise and that they would pay tuition and expenses so I could go to college full time and I could come to work when I had time. This did not change my mind - it was definitely time for me to move.

 Chapter XVIII

Florida Here I Come

1958

In August, Dad wanted me to join him at the Farmers Market in Florida, and I figured that this would be an ideal time to relocate. During the 2-day drive to Florida the Farmers Market burned to the ground - Dad and I were both unemployed.

We decided to open a Bar B Que Chicken place (the first Tomberg's Bar B Que not in a farmers market) in the black area of Boynton Beach. Dad would provide the money, I would provide the labor. We estimated the income and we would work on a 30% markup. I would get 10%, 10% for rent and overhead and 10% for him, $100 a week in 1958 was a good income. He estimated the gross income at $1,000 a week. I did everything. I made arrangements with all the suppliers to get everything free for the first week (except for wine and beer). I had a grand opening week where chicken, hot dogs and soda were free. The second week we grossed $2,500 and it steadily increased. We still worked on a 30% markup, but the more I bought the lower the price, so I kept dropping the selling price. People would and buy up to 25 cases of beer at a time, along with chickens and their wine of choice, Morgan Davis (Mogen David).

One evening a black man came in and pulled a gun and attempted to hold me up. Customers in the store, jumped him, pulled him outside and beat the crap out of him.

In about four weeks we were grossing $4,000 a week. Dad figured I was making too much (he was making $700 a week for doing nothing, Jeff, I'll explain the math when I have a couple of years to kill). He said he didn't want his son putting in the hours I was putting in so I was replaced by Benny who got a $100 a week. 6 months later they were out of business. Once again my brilliant father out foxed himself.

 Chapter XIX

Ellie

When I arrived in Florida in August of 1958, my mother insisted I call this niece of a friend of hers. When I visited Florida on two previous occasions, she made the same request, but the niece was always out of town. No such luck this time. I called Ellie on Monday and we made a date for that Friday night. On Wednesday night of that week I went to Lake Worth Junior College (now Palm Beach Junior College) to register for a couple of night courses. I couldn't afford not too because of the G.I. Bill. Picture this. I am standing in this long registration line behind these two girls. One is definitely Jewish (you could tell by her nose). She is talking incessantly and has this southern drawl. It could be no other than Ellie. After about 30 minutes I caught a glimpse of her registration form and sure enough it was. After standing behind her for 30 minutes I felt it would be awkward to introduce myself then.

Being relatively short of funds I decided the best place to take Ellie on Friday would be to temple. The services would kill a couple of hours and we could have free coffee and desert. Also, there was no better way to impress her parents.

It is ironic that the motivation of my move to Florida was to escape marriage, and within a week of my arrival I was hopelessly in love. After hours of pleading with me to ask her father for her hand in marriage I agreed.  He asked me how I was going to support her, I told him not to worry, I always made a living and always will.  He still worried, but finally agreed after a lot of coaxing from Ellie’s mother. We wanted to get married that December, Ellie's parents wanted us to wait until June. We compromised with a March 1st date. Her father passed away in May, so he was at least able to see his daughter married..

Ellie’s Engagement Picture 1958

Chapter XX

The Fight - The True Story

When I first arrived in Florida, I stayed at my parent's home for the first couple of weeks. I had not seen my brother Dave for about 18 months. During that time he grew about 2 feet. He looked down at me and said: "you're not going to push me around anymore." I didn't like his attitude and lack of respect, after all I was his older brother. One thing led to another and we started fighting. Dad told us to go outside so we wouldn't destroy the house. We fought for about 30 minutes, he pounding on my head and me landing the body punches to his kneecaps (to this day he walks with a limp, only kidding). We were both pretty bloodied and finally called it a draw. We have grown extremely close and have not had a disagreement of any kind since (he is afraid of another knee cap pounding).

Chapter XXI

(It's amazing on how well I know Roman Numerals I can even use them for multiplication and division)

March 1, 1959

Settling Down

Here I am engaged to be married, just replaced by Benny, and no prospects for employment. I immediately got a job selling business machines (typewriters, calculators and cash registers). I know Ellie's parents are wondering what kind of schnook their precious daughter is involved with. Fortunately, just before our wedding, Adolph, (you remember my 1956 VW) was hit in the rear while I was stopped at a light. I settled for all expenses and $500 (it paid for the honeymoon). We went to Ellie's family doctor, Bob Alexander, for our blood tests. Since we wanted to wait at least two years to start a family I asked him about birth control other than condoms and he suggested a spermicidal gel. It worked great - Ellie became pregnant the first month we were married.

I am eking out a living selling business machines, married, expecting our first child, and depending on Ellie's income to make ends meet, talk about pressure.

 Chapter XXII

The Start of a Great Career

1959

Josh Truxton, a friend of Aunt Ruth and Uncle Gus (Ellie's side of the family), suggested I go into the insurance business. I applied to Metropolitan, where he worked, but there were no openings. I went to work in June with Guaranty Life, a small company that sold weekly premium insurance to blacks. I still contacted C.L. Moore, manager at Metropolitan on a weekly basis. Finally in September of 1959 he hired me. I was given a sparsely populated area that went from the northern city limits of Boynton Beach to 10th Ave N. in Lake Worth and from the ocean west. The number 1 agent of 32 in the office was Jerry Viola.  I saw the accolades he got at the end of the year. I visualized myself getting all the recognition and if I was number 1 in 1960, my first year in the business.  I had the ability to visualize and emote.  I did not sell insurance, I painted pictures in the client’s mind.  I put myself in their shoes and expressed my feelings and emotions in their situation.  I would say “picture this I am you, I have lovely wife, a nice home and three wonderful children. I am taken out of the picture. I would not them to have to suffer financially or move, losing me would be hard enough on them, I am sure you agree.  I can guarantee that there would be no change in their life style if you set aside $225 a year. At this point I would shut up and not say another word. The sale was made.

I was working every evening so I could have both the husband and wife together. I would go to the office to get prepared for my evening sales calls and take care of paperwork. I would have lunch and then go home and nap in the afternoon so I could be fresh for the evening sales calls. I had insomnia and went to the doctor. In those days they did not just give you a pill. He asked about how I spent the day and I told him. He said no more naps. No more naps meant no more evening sales calls so I started concentrating on business life insurance, group insurance, pension planning and estate planning. These of course resulted in larger sales and my income soared.

In 1960 I did finish number 1! My income kept increasing as I always finished as the #1 or #2 agent in the office, depending on where Jerry Viola finished (Jerry will pop up again 22 years later).

Chapter XXIII

And Then There Were Three

On December 27, 1959th Ellie and I went Square Dancing at a Temple function. That evening she started to have some discomfort and that morning we rushed her to Good Samaritan Hospital in West Palm Beach. Poor Ellie had a very rough pregnancy. Morning sickness started at conception (she threw up all over me as I relaxed with my after sex cigarette) and we had to stop on the way to the hospital so she could vomit. Sherry was in no hurry to face the cruel world and waited until later that evening to make her appearance. She was a perfect child, never cried, unless she was teething or sick. When she was six months old, we took a vacation up north to show her off. We set up a Port a Crib in the back seat and drove straight through to New Jersey. I had to stop about 25 miles short of our 1st stop at Sandy and Marvin's home outside of Trenton, because I was totally exhausted after driving for 20 some odd hours with out sleep. We continued on to visit all of our relatives. The amazing thing was that during the two weeks of schleping, Sherry did not get cranky or cry even once.

We would often take long weekend trips and Sherry never hindered us. You could give her a puzzle and she would sit for hours. As she grew older, she became even better behaved. We never had to spank her if she stepped out of line, a simple reprimand would do the trick. I was considering writing a book "How to Raise Children Without Spanking."

Sherry June 1960

 Chapter XXIV

Our First Home (the first of many)

1962

When Sherry was born, we were renting a 2-bedroom duplex on South "A" Street in Lake Worth from the Hoefels "Waffles" to Sherry. It was a lovely place with sand spurs in the place of grass. (This was really our second home, we originally moved into my bachelor pad on N. Federal in Lake Worth). In 1962 we realized that we needed our own home. We found a contractor in Boynton (Doyle Irwin)who had designed a home we loved (the Pollyanna model). We then searched for a lot to build on. Now you have to realize that we were doing all this with no money. The bank would finance the full price of the house if we had a paid for a lot. We were looking at a lot on Colle Drive in Lake Worth and the next-door neighbor, Dick Newton, came over, introduced himself and said they had seven kids. He thought we should know this before we made a decision, we bought. I took a second mortgage on the house from the builder to buy the lot ($1800). Armed with the deed we proceeded to get the mortgage of $15,400 to finance the house. I should have been on T.V., "How to build a new custom built home with no money down." Our total monthly payments with insurance and taxes were $160, and we didn't know how we were going to afford it.

Well here we were in a big three-bedroom home with only one child, Ellie decided we should have another child. After two months she was not pregnant and she went to her OB to be checked out. She was OK. She wanted me to go and get checked, I explained to her how children were made and said lets try it my way for one month. We were to have sex twice daily for the week midway between her cycles. She conceived and Beth was born on January 2, 1964. Ellie woke me up in the middle of the night of January 2 with pains. I got up made myself breakfast and took my time, remembering the 20 hours of labor with Sherry. We just made it to the hospital. Newborn Beth was covered with a veil, which in the Jewish religion is supposed to be very lucky. For her it was lucky, because we decided to keep her.

Beth - age 3

Ellie became bug-eyed after Beth was born, and was losing weight and also became extremely irritable. Ellie's mother said her eyes did not look right and I took her to the doctor. The diagnosis was acute hyperthyroidism. Her heartbeat was so rapid that surgery was out of the question. She was put on medication and was ready for surgery after two years. The surgery was successful and she has been fine since (as far as her thyroid goes).

During the summer of 1967 we attended a Metropolitan convention at the Diplomat Hotel in Hollywood, Florida. Ellie had a bit much to drink and lo and behold, Jeff was conceived, making his debut on March 1, 1968.

Jeff - January 1969

Chapter XXV

The Divorce

1967

My parent's divorce was a very messy situation. Dad was having an affair with Von, who worked for him at the Farmers' Market. Dave was still in the service and Sandy and Marvin were still living in Philadelphia. Melvyn was at home, but of little help to me. I got caught between Mom and Dad. I would constantly get calls from both of them. One night I got a call from Melvyn that Mom was on her way to Von’s House with a butcher knife to kill her. I rushed over there in time to stop a murder. The affair was the talk of the town and I felt Dad was disrespectful to all of us in his blatancy.

I had many talks with him and asked him to cool it and he said he wanted a divorce. I suggested that he curtail his extra marital relations until he was single. Call me old fashion, but, I believe in the sanctity of marriage. At the time I harbored no ill will against Mom or Dad, although he was handling the whole matter like a teenager.

The divorce went through but took its toll on me. I had three ulcers and two kidney stones that year and spent a lot of time in hospitals. I finally ended up in the New York Hospital for 17 days undergoing tests. The day I returned home, I got a call from Dad. He said I had to get Mom to sign a form for some transfer of property. I asked him if he knew where I had been and he said, "yes." I told him it would have been nice if he first asked me how I was feeling. He ignored my remark and pursued his problem. RODNEY DANGERFIELD, I RESPECT YOU!. You are an excellent comedian. Our garbage men I respect, they do their job well, they are punctual, and try to be quiet. I have always respected the person and not their title. I will respect you for what you are, not for who you are. On that day, I finally lost the last shred of respect for the man who was my father.

 Chapter XXVI

A Manager is Born

1968

After about three years with Metropolitan, Shake (C.L. Moore, the District Manager) started offering me sales manager positions. The promotions would have meant a cut in pay and I continually declined the kind offers. In 1968 he called me into his office and said a lucrative staff was coming open and he would promote me if I shaved my moustache. I told him don't promote me.

He offered the position to me anyway, Billy Parkerson was being promoted and his staff, #2 out of 179 in the state was to be mine. One of the big producers on the staff, Marshall Christopher, was an asshole who I didn't like and he disliked me even more. After the Friday meeting when the promotions were announced, Marshall came to me and said he had an appointment on Monday morning with a large corporate account to try to sell them a pension plan. Marshall knew that even though I led the district in sales over the past nine years I was not into the sophisticated markets. After he left, I went through the office and got every reference book and manual on corporate pension plans and took them home. I locked myself in the bedroom for the weekend and by Monday morning I was a pension expert. I dazzled Marshall and I not only sold the pension plan, I also sold a group policy and various business life policies - from then on Marshall was one of my biggest supporters. For the nine years I spent as an agent I believed that all levels of management were parasites, living off the sweat of agents. When I was promoted to sales manager, I vowed to myself that I would never be a parasite.

Sales Managers would work with various agents each week and run a weekly sales meeting. For my first assignment I chose Jerry Viola, who was always 1st or 2nd in the office depending on whether I finished 1st or 2nd (later on in my story we cross paths again in 1982). I decided to work with the strength. I learned more about selling during my first year as a sales manager than I learned in my previous 36 years - as I taught I learned.

Phil Harris, another of my agents came into my office one Monday morning and stated “the most an agent could make was $200 a week”.I told him to meet me in my office on Friday afternoon with the records of all his accounts. I went through them and pulled the ones I thought were good prospects.I told him to set up appointments for the following week both daytime and evenings and that I would be working with him. We had a terrific week and he never saw under $ 400 a week since then.

The following year during the Christmas holidays another ball buster, Bud Ross, suffered a heart attack. He was off until April 1st and when he returned he was leading the office (while he was on disability I wrote business to his credit during my spare time). From then on I could do no wrong.

I also believed in teamwork and we fostered that through having the staff and their wives over for dinner at least once a quarter. We always served the most expensive brands of liquor and Ellie spared no time or effort. We showed them that they were special to us. For the first time ever in the history of Metropolitan Life an entire staff (nine agents) qualified for honor club. In the fall the ones that already qualified worked with the ones that still needed business and they did this on their own!

In January 1970, Phil Harris requested a transfer to Minnesota. I told him that I would approve the transfer as soon as he got a replacement for himself. He did, I did and in February I appointed my first agent - Bill Hubbard. Bill was a delight to train. He was a natural. We spent his first six weeks together. After the second week he was dying to make a presentation by himself, but I held him back for another week. He then went crazy - he was a great salesman but a little stiff. When he made his first sale he was completing the application. The client was a bit of a joker. Bill asked the last doctor he saw and the client responded with his name said that it was about seven years ago. Bill then asked him for the doctor’s address, he answered Lot 53, Forest lawn cemetery - Bill is seriously writing this down on the application. (the doctor was deceased) and as I am breaking up, Bill is still writing.

In 1970 Shake Moore retired and we got a new district manager J.C. Brown. J.C. was a nice guy, but dumb. He knew nothing about management and I was constantly stepping in between him and my agents.

I conned J.C. in to allowing me to appoint scratch Sales Representatives. Previously the only time I could appoint an agent is when one left, and back then, that didn't happen. Of course the more men I had the more money I would make. Bill Hubbard became my first sales rep. and Jack Mazzola transferred from another staff to take his agency.

The second rep I hired was Bill's brother, Mike. I then recruited and hired Larry Brown. Larry was the first black to be hired in the district and this did not make J.C. happy as he was a bit of a racist. The first day on the job, Larry and I had lunch at a Jewish deli, jokingly I told the waitress to bring Larry some fried chicken and watermelon.

Larry took ribbing well. The next day he said I would have to eat at his people's restaurant, the Blue Front Restaurant on Tamarind Ave. I had ham hocks and collard greens and black eye peas and really enjoyed it.

Several weeks later Larry and I were working in the office. J.C. had some of his cronies visiting and he was showing them around. He introduced Larry and me and then asked me where the electric shoe buffer was (Norm Castle took it home to repair it), but, I told J.C. that we didn't need it any more since we had Larry. J.C. turned a bright red and was speechless.

I enjoyed putting J.C. on. We were having lunch one day and there were 12 of us sitting around the table, and J.C. told the story of when he died on the operating table - I asked - "were they able to revive you?", he said yes, and then proceeded to finish the story.

 Chapter XXVII

Sarasota, here we come

1972

The area was getting very congested, I hated working under J.C. and Ellie was getting spielcus (Yiddish for wanting to move). I requested a transfer and worded it so that there would be no reflection on J. C.. I have never ever gone over a superior's head. Ted Lineberger the Florida Regional Manager sensed the real reason and informed me if I transferred I would kill any chance I had at getting promoted. Guess what I told him? "so don't promote me."

He offered me a staff in Melbourne and one in Sarasota. Ellie and I looked over both areas and decided on Sarasota. The staff ranked 176 out of 179 in Florida (my present staff was #2). I also knew Roy Schneider , the District Manager, and liked his management style. During my interview with him he said that the regional manager's son, Ted Jr. who was also a sales manager in his district was being set up for promotion so I should forget about my chances of promotion. I was comfortable as a sales manager and knew the job well. I did not want to be promoted.

I started in Sarasota in July 1972. I had groomed Bill Hubbard for promotion and convinced J.C. to promote him to take over my staff. I rented a mobile home and Ellie and the kids would come on weekends to look for a home.

We bought a 4-bedroom 2½-bath townhouse in Par 72. The house in Lake Worth sold rapidly and at a good price. The family moved into the mobile home until the townhouse was completed.

As soon as we settled into the townhouse we had the staff over for cocktails and dinner. I worked with the present staff and started actively recruiting (actually the men I had did most of it - I told them that I had to build the staff and the more time I spent on recruiting the less time I would have for them. 3 non-productive old timers resigned and I was down to 6 men. Within 6 months I had the staff up to 12 agents and ranked #3 in the region up from #176. I was on a roll and we loved Sarasota.

One Saturday in September, the district manager, Roy Schneider, knocked at our door. He said the home office in New York wanted to interview me for a position there. It seems they wanted someone with extensive field experience and who would tell like it is to work in sales/market development (I had a reputation for a big mouth). I told him I wasn't interested, I loved Sarasota and what I was doing. Ellie said yes (there should be no doubt in anyone's mind who is the boss in my family).

Sarasota - 1972

 Chapter XXVIII

New York, New York, What a Wonderful Town II

1973

I flew up for an interview with Al Oberlander, Vice President, Marketing. I did not want the job so I acted nonchalant. He loved me and I was offered the promotion to Field Training Consultant. It meant a cut in pay, so I refused the appointment. He then created a new position, Senior Field Training Consultant with a much higher salary and an unlimited expense account. I was also given a lesson on how to make an extra $200 tax free a week on the expense account. I took the job. This was the next step before my becoming a District Sales Manager.

I had a suite at the Gramercy Park and could come home every weekend at Met's expense until I could find a place for the family. They were also going to pay for all relocation expenses and guarantee the sale of the house in Sarasota. I met Bill Charkow the first day on the job. He worked on the same floor and was part of the MBA program. I was put in touch with a relocation service, who after an extensive interview, put me in touch with a realtor. The second month up there I purchased the house at 1 Indiana Road in Somerset N.J. (it happened to be around the corner from the Charkows). The closing was set for Feb. 1974. Ellie did not see the house until after we closed.

The best part of my job was that I worked with Maurice M Berger III (Chick). He was a lamb that roared like a lion. He was a brilliant person and I learned more from him than any other person in my life. My job consisted of writing sales manuals, sales meeting guides, setting up procedures from the implementation by management through the sale by the agent in the field, prospecting methods and procedures, the conversion of term insurance to permanent insurance, and many other things that Chick or I would come up with. I was also responsible for presenting all this to the field East of the Rockies.

I spent a lot of time traveling and was sent to Milwaukee in February and Phoenix in August. The first year or two the job was sort of an ego trip. I enjoyed being the featured speaker at regional conventions, quoted in the company newspaper and being treated as a VIP.

At one of the weekly luncheon meetings I had with Rudy Michaud, Senior VP in charge of the South East Territory for Metropolitan (the person who ultimately would promote me), he asked me if I could find a way for agents to sell insurance to federal employees, and have the premiums deducted from their pay. Chick was on vacation for the next two weeks, so I had the time to work on it.

I found out that the government would not allow allotments to insurance companies, only to banks. I then went to Chase Manhattan Bank with a proposal that federal employees would make allotments to them and we in return would pull those monies out of the account. I told them they would have the float on the money of up to three weeks. They enthusiastically agreed.

I then made up the necessary forms that the employee would need to complete to set the program in motion. I walked the forms through Metropolitan's legal department and editorial departments and got them approved. I then wrote a training manual for use by the managers in the field to train the agents. All this was sent to the printers on Thursday of that week with delivery promised by Tuesday of the following week. I then called the regional manager of the Washington area and asked him to set up a meeting for the next Thursday. I flew to Washington just 10 days after the lunch with Rudy and introduced the program in the Washington area (it then went national shortly thereafter).

Chick returned from his vacation on Monday and heard about this wonderful new program. He called me into his office and asked how it popped up all of sudden and who authorized it (it seems I spent a little more than $50,000) and I said no one. I then asked him if he thought it had merit (new business was already coming in). He said it was great and then asked how I was able to implement the program in less that two weeks (it usually took a year to get something of this magnitude to the field). I told him I said to the various department heads that they had to approve it and that if they didn't sign off on it while I waited, Chick would be down to see them. We both had a big laugh over it. The program was highly successful and I gave Chick and Rudy got the credit, and neither one knew what was going on.

The almost three years we spent in New Jersey was a whirl. I would fly in late Friday and we would have plans with the Indiana Road gang every Saturday. The evening would last till early Sunday and I would normally fly out again on Monday Morning.

Early in 1976, one Saturday, Jeff said, "Daddy, why don't you quit your job?". I asked why, and he replied "because I never get to see you." That Monday morning I was in Miami and I called the Territorial Vice President, Rudy Michaud, and told him I wanted out - the job was starting to affect my family. He told me there was going to be an opening in Virginia Beach for a District Sales Manager and suggested I go down and look it over. I set up a one week assignment there and drove down. Ellie and Jeff were to fly down on Thursday.

I liked the area and when Ellie and Jeff came in on Thursday, we spent several days looking at homes etc. It was a beautiful area, but had few Jews. Because of that we decided against the move. We stopped in Washington on the drive back to see Ellie's sister and brother-in-law, Ro and Elliott. I discussed the situation and was at a loss on what to tell Rudy of our reason for not moving there. They suggested that I tell him that it was not cosmopolitan enough.

That Monday, Rudy and I had lunch and I told him I didn't want to go to Virginia Beach because it wasn't cosmopolitan enough and he replied "no Jews?" - I broke up. He then told me I was to be given the Fort Lauderdale District when the present manager retired in five months, a real cream puff with six sales managers and 60 agents. He also advised me that I would be working directly under him in the meantime. He gave me a list of things to do in Florida and let me set my own agenda for the next five months and would not have to report to him unless something was really awry in the field. He once had to speak to me and had to call Ellie to find out where I was. He also told me to buy a home in the Fort Lauderdale area. We had the house in Coral Springs built and we moved in July of 1976.

 Chapter XXIX

Florida, Back Again

1976

My appointment to District Manager was not scheduled for three more months and I had to keep it secret on where I was living. I worked in the South Florida area still setting my own schedule, and even though I was driving my own car with Jersey plates and went home every night, no one ever guessed that I was living in Coral Springs.

There was a territorial meeting at the Bahia Mar Hotel in Fort Lauderdale in August 1976. I went to the men's room and was standing in front of a urinal and Rudy came in and was standing next to me. We hadn't seen or spoken for some time so he started to debrief me (filling him on what I was doing for those with dirty minds). Bill Hubbard walked in and got hysterical over the fact that Rudy and I were having a meeting while we were urinating.

In October just before my promotion, Rudy called me and told me someone over his head had pulled strings and they were going to split the district. I was furious and ended up hanging up on him. I took the northern half since I had already located the family in Coral Springs.

At a meeting in Tampa, just prior to my introduction to the district, Chuck Lavazolli, the SE Territorial V.P. told me he wanted me in Tampa to set a territorial sales promotion in two weeks. I told him I was scheduled to be introduced in the district the previous Friday and that my place was in the district. He said my place was where he said. I told him to go to hell and I refused to do it, from that point on I was on his shit list.

 Chapter XXX

District Manager

I was relatively successful as a district manager, but very much of a maverick. They wanted me to increase the number of agents the first year from 28 to 32. They said to this I would have to hire 16 agents. I argued that it was impossible for my three sales managers to do that. I told them that I would end up with the 32 but I would do it by hiring six quality people and giving them the training they needed. They didn't agree, but I didn't care I would do it MY WAY. The regional manager Joe Jeffcoat was constantly on my back. He called me to Tampa for a one on one because of my methods. He started waving his finger in face and was shouting. I yelled back “get your f…ing finger out of my face or I going to break it off and shove it up your ass. He then sheepishly said “lets do lunch”. He took me to the best restaurant in Tampa. I then realized he was just following Lavezolli’s orders.

Chuck Lavazolli made an office visit and told me not to be so friendly with two fellow managers, Josh Truxton and Billy Parkerson (let him rest in peace). I told Chuck I would associate with whom I wanted. As soon as he left the office I called Rudy Michaud, his immediate supervisor and I told him if Chuck ever came into my office again I would resign.

I was at a Territorial Management meeting when Chuck Lavazolli spoke about the morale of district managers being at an all time high. I asked him to explain the suicide of a manager in Georgia (he shot himself in the head) after a visit from him and of another manager in South Carolina who drowned himself, again after a visit from Chuck. He changed the subject!

The pressures of the job became enormous. I was being pressured to do things that I knew were ethically, morally and in some cases legally wrong. I attempted to resist these forces coming from my superiors and at the same time treating my subordinates with compassion.

During the summer of 1979 we started training for our casualty licenses. I went to classes every Saturday and Sunday for 10 hours each day for 14 weeks. During this time Billy Parkerson, my close friend for more than 20 years and fellow district manager had a fatal heart attack after a visit from Chuck Lavazolli. I started negotiation with State Farm at this time. Bill Elliott, wanted me to step down to an agent with Metropolitan to prove to him I could still sell after being in management for eleven years. I was not willing to take the gamble.

 Chapter XXXI

BERSHERT

Bershert is a Yiddish word meaning "it was meant to be." What happened next is a prime example of "Bershert." Things always work out for the best when things look the worst. We are nothing more than puppets, with God pulling the strings. God has a terrific sense of humor, although while he was manipulating me, I did not find anything funny about it. Looking back at what happened next in my life does bring a smile to my face. My wish is that God continues to pull my strings and those of my loved ones. God is like a parent, always giving and expecting nothing in return, except that we are moral, honest and treat others as we would like to be treated. I truly believe that God does not want expensive cathedrals, churches, synagogues and temples to be built to His glory. He would much rather see this huge amount of money go to help those in the world who are in need!

In August 1979 our regional manager Joe Jeffcoat was being transferred and we had a farewell dinner for him.  He took me aside and warned me that Chuck Lavezoli was out to get me.

In October 1979, I got a letter from the new regional manager, Jimmy Higgins, placing me on probation for lack of production. I was flabbergasted, my district was leading the territory in most categories. At the suggestion of a good friend, in a high position in the home office, I wrote Jimmy Higgins a letter not accepting the probation, with all the reasons why. Including copies of their bulletins. On a Friday in October Jimmy's assistant called me and told me to be in Tampa on Monday (Sherry and Tom were married that Sunday).

I knew what was happening, Chuck Lavazolli finally got me. I was demoted to an agent in Ft. Lauderdale. I was devastated, at age 46 this was the first time in my life I was ever demoted. Two fellow district managers (Bill Hubbard was one of them) resigned their positions in protest. This was Bershert.

I was the agent Bill Elliott (State Farm manager) wanted.  I had weekly meetings with him and had to bring Metropolitan production bulletins..

As a District Manager, my office was on the second floor of a bank building.  One day I got a visit from several retired Metropolitan Home Office employees.  They needed a meeting place for their monthly meetings.  I spoke with the bank manager concerning their community room and pointed the advantage of having some hundred or so people coming to his bank monthly.  He gladly agreed and said the bank would also throw in coffee and doughnuts. The group would invite me to address their meetings every so often. When I got demoted, I went to one of their meetings and told them of my plight.  They came to my aid and bought home and auto insurance from me (when I went with State Farm, most followed me. Their business and referrals were a huge asset). 

During this period, Ellie was great, she would be on the phone day and night, setting up sales appointments. I started 1980 as the top agent in Florida and retained that position. Bill was putting pressure on me to make the decision to go with State Farm. I was getting cold feet. I was making more money than ever before and loving what I was doing.

In July of 1980, the regional manager, Jimmy Higgins, the same guy that demoted me, told me that I was being transferred to a new office in Deerfield Beach. They hired a manager from Allstate to run the office and I knew they wanted me in that office because of my production and heavy management experience.

I told him I was content where I was and had no intention of moving. He said" you have no choice." I said yes I do and wrote a letter of resignation effective August 1, 1980 on the spot in front of him. It was Bershert.

I called Bill Elliott and informed him I would start on August 1, 1980. I took my vacation for the balance of July to find and set up an office. I located my office in West Boca, and at that time it was quite desolate (I knew the area was about ready to mushroom). Sid Barth, my friend since I was ten, helped me do the build out. (Sid moved to Florida in 1960 and decided to go to college. He went nights and worked days. He got his bachelors, then his masters and at age 48 got his Doctorate). Unbeknownst to me Bill Hubbard started with State Farm one month prior to me in West Palm Beach.

 Chapter XXXII

State Farm

1980

The first three months were tough. Ellie and I put everything we had into the task at hand. I was almost 47 and starting a new endeavor cold. Ellie manned the office while I went door to door seven hours every day ( I lost 7 pounds in August) and worked four nights every week. Ellie was great PR. I would come back to the office for lunch and would find a group of my new clients sitting around drinking coffee with Ellie, one of the spouses, Pasqaule Garafalo, was missing, Ellie had sent him  to get doughnuts (most of my clients were Italian or Jewish, and we all became very huggy and kissy . People don't change to other insurance companies, when they get hugged when they visit their agent's office. Ellie was great, she was my support and inspiration (although she told my brother Dave that I would never make it because I was too lazy). 

We started off with a running start averaging 28 sales a week and I immediately was writing more business then my old Metropolitan office with 24 agents, 3 sales managers and 6 clerical people.

Throughout my life I would do whatever I had to do to attain my objective. Yes, I would always look for the easiest and fastest way. There have been many times in my life when I was required to work hard and for long hours and I would do this as long as needed to achieve the end result. Ellie, to this day does not understand the difference between smart and lazy.

I managed myself. I had to build an agency and I had to do it fast because of my age. I did whatever a new agent should do to accomplish this. After three months the referrals started rolling in and I never had to make another cold call.

Bill Elliott, the world’s worst manager, would have mw in his office and read to me for two hours every week.  He called this training!  I had a schedule of topics in advance and I would make sure I had at least 1 sale of the product scheduled the week before.  I would then call Bill and told him the session was not necessary as I just sold 1 or 3 of the products he was going to teach me about.  It worked.

Every three months for the first two years, I had to go to Winter Haven for schooling with the other new agents. I was nicknamed "Grandpa" by my classmates who were about 20 years my junior.

In 1981, I was named agent of the year for State Farm in Palm Beach County (the first time I received the award was in 1961). Sitting at our table was an agent from my old staff with Metropolitan, Jerry Viola.

What has happened since 1980 are the happiest years of our lives. Yes there has been brief episodes of tragedy, grief and the lost of loved ones. We, Ellie and I enjoy the family we have created, each and every one of our children, their spouses, ex spouses, spouse to be?? and of course our precious grandchildren. Everything else is secondary.

We have built all this and some measure of financial security after starting with absolutely nothing which makes us appreciate what we have even more. Chuck Lavazolli became a senior vice president with Metropolitan. He then took a nosedive and is now a manager with Mutual of New York in Washington, D.C. He has 50 agents, one of which is Steve Rosenzweig, an old friend of Ellie's sister and brother-in-law. It was Bershert.

While we were engaged, I told Ellie of my travels through Europe while in the army. I promised her that some day we would return. She didn't believe me. We have made five trips there along with 23 cruises and many trips throughout our beautiful country and the Caribbean. We would have done more, but, Ellie doesn't like to travel.

During our first trip to Europe in 1988, we arrived in Baden Baden, Germany. I was exhausted from the long flight to Frankfurt (nine hours) and the drive from Frankfurt to Baden Baden. The hotel had an indoor pool and as Ellie unpacked I went down to swim a few laps. I then went in to the sauna. Men and women, started to come in and were nude. They looked at me as if were a Martian. I went out. took off my bathing suit and re-entered and then was accepted. Europeans have a very healthy and natural outlook toward sexuality.

"THE CUP IS HALF" After reading this brief story - you must conclude that I am an eternal optimist.

Beth and Don 3/28/93

5/19/94

At Work??? 1997

1997

I retired from State Farm on April 30, 1997 and Ellie and I are having a blast. Looking back over my 64 plus years I wouldn't change anything. If I had it to do over again, I would not have worried as much as I did because it seems my life was in God's hands. I was a jigsaw puzzle, and God put the pieces together pretty good.

This narration would not be complete without the rest of my philosophies on life.

Regardless of your income, make sure you save some and enjoy some of it today!

We are all born with a terminal illness, we are all going to die, we just don't know when, so live every day as if it is your last, it may be! This is not meant to be depressing, enjoy your life today to its fullest, however, you may be back tomorrow and for many tomorrows to come, so also plan for the future.

No matter what you do, do not become complacent! An old Jewish philosopher said many years ago (I think it was in 1968 that I first uttered these words of wisdom) "complacency is the worst enemy of progress."

Take good care of your body, that is where you live.

As you get older, don't grow older! We all have those little aches and pains, do not let them dictate the way you live your life!

Challenge your mind and body on a daily basis! If you do this long enough you will live to a ripe old age and still be young.  

If you have no control over a situation, don't worry about it. Go on to the situation you can do something about!

When setting your priorities, start with the most difficult task.

If you get nothing else out of this brief story, it is that life is Bershert, roll with the punches and believe that situations will get better, because if you really believe they will, they will.

Don't take life too seriously, laugh and be happy!

Also remember what my mother wrote in my baby book more than 64 years ago, "To thine own self be true."

Book 2

The Beginning

Chapter I

I Find God (Or He/She Finds Me)

In 1980 I started Biking and it soon grew to be an obsession. I was doing 12 miles every morning before going to work and up to 50 miles on the weekend (I used a mountain bike to get a better workout and for the extra stability the bigger tires offered).

I was extremely concerned about my safety because of the drivers in South Florida. I always wore a red helmet and dressed in red. On Christmas Day 1982 it was very cold so I wore a red sweat suit. People would stop their cars and stare and it finally dawned on me that with my white beard I looked like Santa.

I also would do 1 mile for each year of my age. In January of 1991 during my annual physical the doctor suggested a stress test. I told him that I had it in December when I rode my mountain bike 61 miles non-stop and the reason for doing so. He said why 61 miles when I was 60. The answer - I was a mile from home when I reached the 60 miles.

After retiring I increased my biking to 30 - 50 miles daily. I was hit several times by cars but was fortunate not have any disabling injuries. On October 9, 1997, I was getting ready for a 45-mile ride. As I put on my helmet, I noticed the straps were very loose and in the event of an accident the helmet could easily slide back on my head, so I adjusted the straps.

After completing 44 miles, 1 mile from home I was cruising along and the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground with a paramedic and a police officer looking down at me. I was out for about 15 minutes. A car coming up behind me turned into me hitting my left side, not damaging the bike.

I, obviously went flying over the handlebars hitting the ground on my left shoulder and the left side of my head - the front left side of my helmet was crushed. Even so, my auditory nerve and my brain stem were injured and I suffered from severe vertigo as the result. If my straps were left the way they were, I no doubt would not be writing the second part of my story now. Up to this point in my life I was an agnostic, but not any more. I had extensive surgery on my left shoulder, which is fine now.

 Chapter II

Bershert Again

Ellie's cousin Karen, who is like a sister to her, and husband David moved to the Hendersonville NC after looking over a good part of the country to retire to. My brother Dave, also looked over the country for a getaway from the hot Florida summers and a place to eventually retire also started constructing a home in Hendersonville.

We came up to visit Karen and David in October 1997 for 2 weeks to see the changing of the leaves. We found the area pleasant, but a little laid back for us.

In August of 1998, we again came back to visit and found the weather great compared to S Florida. On the flight I mentioned that during the two weeks in NC we did not hear a horn blow. We started thinking that perhaps this would be a nice place to live. I was still concerned that I, with my type A personality, would have trouble adjusting.

We decided to come back in January 1999 again for two weeks to see what winters were like. My brother, Dave, thought it was not a good idea as we would find it depressing and not move. We felt we would make several more trips to Hendersonville before making a decision. We found the weather delightful and after two days we contacted a realtor and started looking for homes. The realtor had no idea of what we were looking for, so after a week we called another realtor. I called him on Wednesday (we were leaving the following Wednesday). I spent about an hour on the phone telling him in detail exactly what we were looking for. He was not available until Friday and we met him at his office at 10:00 A.M.

He said that he had several homes to show us but the house we were going to buy could not be seen until Monday. On the way to see the house on Monday morning, he told Ellie to get the checkbook ready. When we drove up to the house we were impressed and after we walked in we knew this was it. We made arrangements to see the house again on Tuesday morning.

After another look, we were convinced and went back to the realtor's office and tendered an offer. He came back with a counter offer from the owners. It was already 4:00P.M. and we were flying home the following morning. He suggested we counter the offer splitting the difference. We decided to accept the counter offer. We were to close on March 1, 1999.

When we arrived home called the three kids and told them of our decision. Beth was in shock and thought we had developed dementia.

We put our house on the market and it sold in two weeks at 15 percent over what similar property had sold for with a March 30, 1999 closing. We made arrangements to move on April 1, arriving here in NC on the 2^nd.

During the first week in NC, Beth called and said she and Lauren were flying up that weekend, she really thought we went over the deep end. After all children move from their parents, but parents never move from their children (and five grandchildren). After her brief visit and a number of return visits, she understood why we moved (in 2002 They both 5 beautiful acres to build a getaway home). In 10 days the whole family is again coming to our house for the 2^ndThanksgiving.

Chapter III

Life in Hendersonville

After 19 months here we feel like we are in heaven. I was scheduled to see my cardiologist the month before we moved here for my semiannual visit (I had an angioplasty in 1991 and three heart cauterizations subsequently). I called him and he suggested I see a cardiologist here. I saw one in June 1999 and he took me off the medication for hypertension as my blood pressure was very low (I had high blood pressure for 20 years). The change in life style was of course the reason and my becoming a type "B" personality.

Ellie and I have adjusted beautifully and absolutely love every thing about the area, especially the people and the climate.

At this point we have taken three more cruises since retiring and several more trips in this beautiful country of ours.

As we were moving to NC, Chuck Lavazolli was canned by Mutual of New York and at last report was still unemployed. 

Chapter IV

2000

And Then There Was Three Again

Ellie has been working on me since 1984 (when I had to take Cinnamon, our mini toy poodle, to the vet to have her put to sleep) to get another dog.On that day I cried all day, we had her for 14 years and she was a member of the family.

Cinnamon 1976  in our pool in Coral Springs, FL

I finally relented and in January 2000 we started our search for a new dog. We did a lot of research and we decided on another poodle. In March we learned of a breeder about 75 miles away who just had a litter of Toy Poodles. We went and after interviewing the father who was extremely playful, unlike poodles. We then went to see the mother and her litter of 4 pups 2 weeks old. She was docile and allowed us to handle each of the puppies and we picked out a black male. It would be another 4 weeks until he was weaned. Meanwhile, Ellie named him Inky. I did not think the name would fit a poodle as they tend to be standoffish. We picked him up on May 2^nd .

Inky Ben Samson in the snow @ 9 months

His father’s name was Samson’s Black Diamond, hence his name Inky Ben (son of in Hebrew) Samson.  He has been a delight and acts more like a terrier than a poodle.  He loves to play and hike in the mountains and do tricks.  He is also a lovable cuddler. Inky is now a therapy dog. After training he passed the exam. He and Ellie visit nursing homes and he loves it!

Chapter V

2002

Our Third Winter in the Mountains

We are in the midst of our 3^rd winter in Hendersonville.  Each day we love it more and more.  We have lost the urge to travel. especially after Sept. 11^th. 

Chapter VI

2003

A picture is worth a thousand words. Following are several thousand words.

I am too young to have a granddaughter this old

Ellie and Stan @ Andrea and Jeff’s Rehearsal Dinner – August 2, 2003

Jeff and Andrea were married on 8/3/03

Lauren was Bat Mitzvahed on Aug. 16

Chapter VII

1/10/20005

Visualizations

This afternoon as I spent my daily 1-½ hours on the treadmill (after spending the morning doing my 160 crunches, 120 push ups and various other exercises plus free weights totaling 18,000 pounds) I thought to myself WHY? Why? Because in my mind I can see my body with defined abs and muscles devoid of fat and sags. I see a person physically younger than my 71 years. I see a person disease free with no physical limitations! This keeps me on the treadmill and working out!

Several times during my story I mention my ability to visualize and how it motivated me and enabled me to motivate others. 

During my working years I have attended many motivational seminars.  THEY DO NOT WORK!  That is why coaches have pep rallies before games.  The motivation will last several hours. Therefore, they need to do it before each game! All lasting motivation must come from within!  All they need to do is a one on one with each player helping them to visualize winning the Super Bowl, visualize the ring, visualize the money from higher salaries and endorsements and visualize what this money can do! ENABLE THEM TO VISUALIZE and you have a better player!

I have always been a self-motivated person because I have been able to visualize the end result of my endeavor.  I also have the gift to help others visualize the fruit of their labors.  Although I made my living selling, I am probably the world’s worst salesman! I was able to help people visualize the results of taking my advice.

Chapter VIII

The Walmart Man

The following not only made my day, it helped make my life!

Chapter IX

The Musician??

During high school, I played in the band, orchestra and brass quartet. In January 2006 I bought a euphonium and resumed my playing. On March 23, 2006, I performed with the Hendersonville Community Band after a 54 year hiatus.

Ellie and me - January 2006

Chapter X

October 2006 – I find Judaism or Judaism finds me

 Growing up in New York City, In an Orthodox Home with my Grandparents in the same building and my Grandmother being a Hasidic Jew, Judaism was forced on me.  From the age of 3 my grandmother made me say the morning prayers in Hebrew, which I had to memorize.  I also wore titiziz (a square piece of cloth with fringes on each corner, with a hole in the middle for your head and is worn under the shirt by Hasidic males.

We moved to the farm when I was 10 and then I was no longer Hasidic I evolved to Orthoxy. During the High Holidays we walked to the synagogue and home again (6 miles uphill both ways). I returned to going to Hebrew School, which I had started in NY when I was 3, classes were held 4 days a week.  We were only allowed to speak in Hebrew.   I rebelled against religion.  After I moved out from home I did not practice religion until I got married.  Ellie and I joined a conservative synagogue in 1959, I was elected to the board and served as treasurer I was an agent for Metropolitan Life at the time and I did it for business reasons.

When our first child Sherry, reached school age we joined a reformed synagogue in West Palm Beach FL because it had an excellent religious school.  Again I was elected to the board of directors and named chairman of the ritual committee.  I taught 7^th and 8^th grade Hebrew on Sunday.  I also played the shofar (rams horn) for the high holidays.  I did this to set an example for my children, even though I was not a believer.

When we moved to Coral Springs FL in 1976 I again became active and chaired the school board and also played the shofar. Our congregation was too large for the High Holidays so the services were held at the Sunrise Music Theater.  After Jeff (our youngest child) was bar Mitzvahed I asked the rabbi to let Jeff (who was playing the tuba) take over the shofar playing. He suggested that we play in unison, which we did.  It was great for the audience and us. In 1984 we moved to Boca Raton and Jeff was a senior in high school and we dropped out of Judaism.  I was now free to not practice religion.

We joined the local reformed temple in September of 2006.  This time we affiliated for the right reason.  After several visits we found a sense of belonging and now go every Friday night. I resumed playing the Shofar after a haitus of 22 years. During the Yom Kippur service I was overwhelmed three times and tears came to my eyes, I was finally where I belonged.

Chapter XI

In May of 2007, I joined a second band, Brevard Community Band. The first concert was June. 10, 2007 (formal)

Chapter XII

2008 It Was a Very Good Year

Febuary

Binai Mitzvah

Steven Arnel

Eric Arnel

Lauren's Graduation

Liana 6/2/2008

7th grade award for acheivement in advanced reading

Lauren's high school graduation

Proud Mom and Grandparents

Lauren and friend

Lauren Leads the Pledge of Allegiance Followed by her Welcome Speach as President of the Student Council

A new family addition, Amy 9 weeks old, 2 lbs 6 oz

A schnoodle

Chapter XIII Stan's 75th December 2008

A Short History In Pictures of a Short Guy

My 5 dividends - They keep increasing in value, despite any market downturns!

Please click on http://tomberg.net/stan/PIX.HTM and the Stan's 75th Birthday to see the pictures of the from the party.

During the 4 days on the road to and from Florida, Inky did not sleep, he kept stroking his sister

Chapter XIV - 50 Years

Our 3 great kids and their spouses threw us a fantasic surprise party in Asheville. We supplied the list of invitees and they did the rest. Our 5 grandchildren were there which made it extra special. For more pictures and a suprise performance please click on http://tomberg.net/stan/50/50.htm

Chapter XV Our 6th Grandchild

Asher Nelson Tomberg - Born 7/24/2009

We were so thrilled when Andrea and Jeff presented us with Asher. He is absolutely adorable. We went 14 years waiting for #6, and he was definitely worth the wait. You can go to my website by clicking on http://tomberg.net/stan and then Picture Album to see up to date family pictures.

Chapter XVI A New Generation

Jessica and Jack Clark

I become a Great Grandfather

Jadyn Li Clark born May 30, 2010

Birth Story

by Jessica Przybysz-Clark on Tuesday, June 1, 2010 at 2:21am **DISCLAIMER** The following are details about the birth of my first child, Jadyn. Some may find the information to be graphic. For mature audiences only, and those who feel like reading a novel! ENJOY!

On Saturday May 29th I made it a mission to try as many self inducing methods as possible as I was getting closer to having the induction talk with my OB. I slept in fairly late that morning figuring I needed sleep in case "todays the day." When I finally made it out of bed I picked up some Clary Oil and herbal raspberry tea from the holistic shoppe. Then took some black cohosh (another herb) and headed to mom's place for a swim in the pool, and a couple walks up some stairs. By the time I started getting ready to leave a big storm was approaching. I kept praying that it would bring all kinds of nasty our way, and perhaps if it was a low pressure system would further help get this baby out! Of course it cleared and the sun came shining through. So on my way home I decided to get some "blazzin hot" wings. I stupidly doubted how spicy they could really be coming from pizza hut! So I get home and manage so sacrifice my mouth to 3 wings before deciding that enough was enough. I had one more glass of raspberry tea and took some more black cohosh. I was rather annoyed that I hadn't felt really any promising contractions and at 12:30am headed to bed. I slept with some clary oil on a papertowel next to my pillow.
At 2:00am I woke to painful cramping contractions unlike anything I had felt before. After I had a lovely revisiting of my wings (5 times) I began timing my contractions and they were about 6 1/2 minutes apart and lasting just about a minute long. At around 2:30am I attempted to wake my husband who had also just gone to sleep at 12:30am. I said "I'm in labor!" Next thing I knew he had fallen back asleep. I shook him and repeated louder "I'M IN LABOR!!" He got the clue then. My back pain had already become a lot more intense so after some unsucessful massaging I got in the warm tub. That lasted for all of 5 minutes as the pain kept increasing to where I couldn't sit in that position comfortably. We then started timing the contractions again and now they were between 4-5 minutes apart. Jack loaded the car between contractions, and I did my best to not focus on the pain.
We took Bradley Method birth classes and I remembered how silly it was watching videos of women practically mooing in labor. I thought "how could that possibly help anyone?!?" Well I guess mooing, or my form of it just comes naturally. As my contractions were coming on stronger I was finding it difficult to do anything but moo. It also allowed Jack to know when my contractions were starting and stopping so he could try and comfort me. Our car ride to the hospital was a nice duet of the Black eyed peas and me, the cow. Once we arrived my contractions were about 3-4 mintues apart.
I got checked immediately this time as I was unable to stand up out of the wheelchair during a contraction, and as they were talking to me I would just turn them out and breakout in tune. It was nice hearing that I was already at 4-5cm dilated and almost completely effaced. I kept saying to myself "half way there, I'm already half way there!" From there I was put in our room and the sign your life away session began. Shortly after being admitted my mother and Doula joined us in the room. My contractions were still intensifying and the back pain was getting to be slightly unbearable. I started vomiting and shaking and felt like I was burning up! Everyone took turns rubbing my back, or massaging my legs, or whatever they could do before they got "fired." My mooing was periodically interupted with crying and screaming as my pain kept getting increasingly worse. I made several trips into the shower where the warm water soothed me enough to slow the contractions to wear I had enough of a break between them to regain focus.
I got on the labor ball a couple times but that position didn't seem to help. The ONLY position that seemed like it was just slightly relieving was squatting on my knees. I think it was because I could just let my weight down and bring on the pain without trying to manage to balance or suppport myself. It also was prime position for some back rubbing! I finally got to a point where I was having contractions on top of each other and could really mostly scream through the pain. I knew at that point I was in transition. The nurse checked me and I was 9cm dilated! That was so encouraging to hear because at 10 I knew I could start pushing and meet my little girl! They made a call to the OB and told me that he would be there in 15 minutes! Even though my pain was excruciating, I knew I was close!
While waiting for him to arrive I started getting the urge to bare down and push. The nurse told me if I felt like pushing, then push. I wasn't so sure that the OB would arrive on time as I knew I was close. Once he got there he asked to break my water to encourage things along. I told him I wanted it to break naturally. He then proceed to check my status and told me the worst thing you could tell a crazed, woman in labor..."You are only 6cm not 9cm" WHAT??? This much pain and only 6cm dilated? That was a critical point in my labor. I had gone through so much pain and exhaustion and had a relatively good attitude until he said that. I didn't think depression could ever sink in as quick as it did at that point.
I ended up back in the shower in hopes of slowing down the pain since I was convinced I was going to face hours more of this agony. After about 10 more minutes I began crying and saying that I couldn't do it anymore. I had several pep talks from my support staff, but it didn't seem like anything mattered at that point but taking the pain away. I kept focusing on being only 6cm. I knew I had hit a wall and didn't think I could go any further. Then my doula broke down the hard facts. All I heard was half paralyzed, stuck in bed on my back, strapped to an IV, and at least a hour wait until someone qualified to jab a needle in my back could get there. That option seemed hopeless when put in that perspective and I realized that I did not want to give up. I was coaxed out of the shower and tried the labor ball again. I felt like pushing and tried it for a few times. My mom went to get the nurse to tell her I was pushing, and by the time they came back my water had broken and my bloody show arrived in all its glory.
At this point I knew I was a lot closer than I was told before. I really started getting the urge to push and I did. They called the OB back in and not long after he got there we had a baby support team in our room. Now one would imagine a woman ready to deliver in bed, feet in stirrups, and the doctor in her crotch ready to pull out baby...not in room 3! Nope! Everyone in room 3 got a bird's eye view of me in my birthday suit, squatting on a bed, crotch to the world, and a room that looked like a warzone from the amount of blood everywhere. And you know what, I didn't care one tiny bit! This baby was coming and I wanted her O-U-T! Everyone let me moan, groan, scream, cry and shake the baby down at my own pace, and my own will. No one counting "push 1, 2,3..." No one dictating to me what to do, it was all up to my body and my baby.
I could feel the baby getting lower and lower through the birth canal. And after about 45 minutes of pushing I was told I could touch my baby's head. I reached down and touched what felt nothing but baby hair! I then got more focused and knew it was just a matter of time before I could see what had been developing inside me for the last 9 months. I began pushing more forcefully, and my pushes were more purposeful. I felt an intense burning sensation, a tremendous amount of pressure, and then slight relief. I had finally passed her head! I knew I was only seconds away from seeing her and I could already hear her. Then Jack grabbed her shoulders and pulled her out and caught her. I lunged forward in relief, and then quickly tried to turn to see my little girl. What an amazing sight. The tears in my eyes were uncontrollable and the alertness in her eyes was what made everything I had gone through worth it.
Jadyn Li Clark was born at 12:11pm on May 30th 2010. She weighed 7 lb 3.2 oz and was 19 in long. I held her to my chest, and smelled her little head. She was then taken to be evaluated and scored 9/9 on her APGAR test! They suctioned her, wiped her down and soon she returned to my arms, just how I wanted. She nursed right away, and has a healthy appetite. She is just a beautiful little creation and I'm still in awe of her. At less than 24 hours old she can pick her head up, and is alert as can be. She's the perfect addition to our family.